I used to strive so hard to attain some level of perfectionism. Trying desperately to heal my hurts and fix my flaws through a seriously long series of self-help and seminars. Without exaggeration, I spent hundreds of thousands of dollars over the course of two decades trying to graduate from childhood and life traumas in order to get my MASTERS degree. Mastering Life. Life Mastery. That was what I was in hot pursuit of. It became an obsession and I didn’t even know it. A seminar junkie. The only books I would read were something that would help me improve my not-good-enough self. It was exhausting. It’s as though I could never seem to reach “my fullest potential” no matter how many coaches I had or how hard I tried. I didn’t learn until the bittersweet surrender that brought about the grace that scooped me out of the devil’s lair and showed me the truth from the perspective of heaven.
I was shown the light and the darkness I’d unconsciously been swimming in that was parading as light. I had entered a tunnel and lost my vision and it started to close in on me. I had lost my way and praise God for his relentless pursuit that dead-ended me into the cavern of his heart. In this loving space, I saw the real light reflected in his truth and through his eyes. He captivated me in a way no “guru” ever has. He showed me that there is no “full potential” I’m falling short of or that I need to live up to. He took away the BIG I’d been conditioned for so long to chase after and instead whispered in his still small voice that I AM ENOUGH. To think SMALLER. Which is counter-culture to satan’s society that flaunts the shiny objects, dangling them like cheese as a tease, only to lure us away from the beauty of the present moment. Keeping us in the rat race of compare and despair.
I am so grateful that I hit that wall. That I lost my way so I could find him and walk in his.
I used to care so much about what other people thought and if they would approve of my every move. Fearing so much the loss of connection because I desired deeply to connect with others.
In that out of alignment place, I lost real connection with myself and ultimately with God.
It feels so freeing to truly not care about the things of this world the way I once did. The status quo and society’s definition of success that is usually only quantified with the number of commas in your bank account. To not care about others’ opinions of me and what they might say behind my back or even to my face.
I can face my fears and face God who will always speak the truth in a world infiltrated with lies.
If you don’t know this God, the real, true, amazing God who is beckoning each one of us to come home to his heart, I invite you to seek right relationship with him.
It’s never been about religion. In fact, that may be the very thing that turned you away.
I cried out to him. I called his name. Jesus, please help me. I need you. And he came. Swiftly and sweetly. He’d been beside me all along, patiently waiting for my surrender. And I’ve never been the same.
The “High on Life” Coach